For various reasons, I currently despise myself. My inner monologue has recently descended into a series of tirades of self abuse, and my mind seems to be losing the fight to silence it. I am more than used to the quiet, background screech of my self-esteem issues, but this wall of negative noise is proving quite impossible to ignore.
I am, instead, bowing to it. A hundred different ways to “punish” myself for being such a horrible human being have scraped themselves across my brain in the past few weeks. However, non-productive self-destruction is not in my nature. I am, instead, exercising every day and eating less than I normally would.
I am constantly tired, and almost constantly hungry. When I do eat, I eat healthily. I probably get the recommended 2000 calories a day. I’ve never bothered to check - but my brain insists I get more, much more than I need. So I cut back. And back. And back.
I’m terrified of eating around people. I like to see how long I can go between meals. I replace food with coffee. If I don’t exercise, I won’t eat.
I have named this “The NomNom Delirium”. It comes and goes in my life - I know it’s not healthy, but for now I cannot stop. It will cease eventually, but for now… my gods I’m hungry. I best go to sleep.
so here is the thing about ariel, is that she always dreams of being on land with feet, is explicitly canonically unhappy with her body & choices way before meeting prince eric. ariel wants to read and learn and dance and stand for herself. she has this extensive meticulous…